A few of you know that my mother has not been doing well this year. She was in hospital for the first 3 months of this year and is once again, on the inside. Without going into too much detail, my mother is 86, has had 3 open heart surgeries, part of her small intestine removed plus a host of other problems.
Let me tell you that nothing catapults you back into your original family unit then when one of your parents is really sick. You are thrust into dealing with your siblings on a daily basis as opposed to the occasional family holiday or phone call. Differences in your personalities are magnified in crisis situations. (I will leave those details for another post and/or therapy session)
Anyway, suffice it to say that it has been difficult for a multitude of reasons. But one of the biggest problems that keep surfacing is our individual answers to the following:
- Is she getting better or worse?
- Are the doctors doing everything they can?
- Are the nurses treating her right when we are not there?
Every one of us would answer each of those questions differently. Why is that?
I can only answer that two ways:either my family is hearing impaired or their perception of the information shared with them is skewed. Considering they can hear what is being said about mom at the nurses station down the hall, I have to go with #2. And why is that? Attitude.
For example: The doctor says “We hope A will happen but B might. If B happens, then we have to do C”.
Awesome. I come away with, we have a plan of action. Everyone else:B is happening right now! Say what? Were we all just in the same meeting? Panic ensues.
Yes, I am a very positive person. Yes, I always think there is hope.
I’m not delusional in my positivity. I realize that my mom is really ill and there is always a chance that she may not make it but I refuse to dwell on that or surround her with negativity. Everyone else is the complete opposite and I see it affects her greatly.
Why? Why would anyone do that? Why would you make someone live in constant fear on top of everything else going on? Why would you not be a ray of sunshine in someone’s life when they feel like they are surrounded by darkness? Why would you project your own fears on to a person that is already filled with their own?
I will continue to believe in her recovery. I will continue to nurture her mental wellness. I will continue to believe that this is not her time till the very end. That’s just the way I am.
Do you think that attitude affects one’s perception of situations or conversations?
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