Why You Are Not Ready For Change

A long time ago, I had a friend whose mother enjoyed reading Tarot Cards. I liked to sit and listen as she foretold my other friends’ futures but whenever it was my turn, I always declined. I knew what she was going to say. I knew she was going to tell me that I was not in a good relationship, that I should and will eventually leave, that my marriage would end in divorce.

And though I knew deep down inside the truth, I wasn’t prepared to hear it being said out loud. I would have to face it right then. I would have to change. My whole life would change. My children were young. I wasn’t ready. So I hid the truth for everyone including myself. I buried it inside so that I could carry on. Carry on but get ready and prepare for change.

There is a lot of talk about change amongst friends and you can certainly be witness to it on FaceBook. It seems like everyone is making huge changes in their lives and it feels like you are stuck. You want change and you think about it all the time. You can’t move forward and you don’t know why.

First off, know that those that are making changes have probably been in the process a lot longer than you think. Huge changes rarely happen over night. Second, maybe it just isn’t the right time for you. You need to know that is ok. Change without preparation and proper timing will most likely fail.  So stop being so hard on yourself.

3 Reasons You Are Not Ready For Change

1. Too Many Balls In The Air

Maybe you just have too much going on. It happens. You are so busy you don’t have enough time to think, let alone plan for change. You carry on, day after day, on auto-pilot. Sometimes you don’t even know why you do the things you always do. It is just your routine. Well if you really want change, you need to re-evaluate your priorities and make time to figure things out.

You need to lighten your load:

  • delegate some responsibilities
  • eliminate activities that zap your time and energy
  • ask for help

2. Negative Talk

Are you surrounded by nay-sayers? Or maybe it is your own self-talk holding you back. Words and thoughts are very powerful. They can raise you up or knock you down.

Combat that negative talk:

  • remove yourself temporarily from people that don’t support your vision
  • engage with people who have done what you want to do
  • read a book about positive thinking
  • tell yourself you can and believe it
  • meditate or engage in activities that clear your mind

3. All Talk, No Action

You may just be one of those people who needs to stay in their comfort zone. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t get sucked in about wanting change because everyone else is doing it when you know full well when and if it happens you will hate it. Far too much emphasis is put on changing your life. It isn’t for everyone and you need to decide if you are the type of person that will embrace it or revolt against it when it happens and be extremely unhappy.

However, if you are one of those people who talks a lot about all the things you want to do and really, really want it, like the old saying goes, “shit or get off the pot”. Stop wasting so much time dreaming and start making a plan to achieve your goals.

 

If you are anything like me, and need to change in baby steps, check out my post:

Life Change: 5 Point Plan For Non-Risk Takers.

It seems like everyone is talking about making changes in their life but you seem stuck. These may be the reasons why you just can't seem to move forward.
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16 thoughts on “Why You Are Not Ready For Change

  1. This is very true. Change is hard. It took me a long time to end my marriage, a marriage I knew was no good for me or for my children and I knew that in the long run, leaving would be better (and it has been for all of us, including my ex) but making that initial change can be scary. Another change I’ve made is the decision to start a blog. That was scary too but I did it and have not regretted it since. Change can be scary but it can also be positive. Great post!

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  2. Not only fear of the unknown but fear of the exhaustion it may bring on to go about changing one’s life. It’s not always easy and can be wearing both mentally and physically but once on the other side it is surely worth it! I think deep down we all know whether we are happy or not. We must be true to ourselves….

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  3. I’m too much in my comfort zone but perhaps that comes with age. Who knows. I

    enjoyed reading this because if you go according to FB everyone is doing so much with seemingly a little amount of effort in their lives We all need to go to our own drummer. Yup. I sure did love this post.

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  4. Hey Elena! As you know, we’ve changed A LOT this year and I am about as risk-averse a woman as you’re ever going to meet. I was a single mom for 18 years; my spidey senses start tingling the minute anything threatens my security. It’s built-in by now. And yet, here I am …
    You mention preparation. Absolutely! While people thought we just up and left, we were actually planning this for over 3 years; looking for the right place to go, considering when and how much money we would need; thinking about our parents and children; budgeting for job search in our new town/area … I could go on.
    You also nailed it with the negative talk issue. There was tons of it but I read something that I keep in mind now, and it’s already proving to be true: let the naysayers do what they do and eventually they just get tired of it and find something or someone else to dump their dark stuff on.
    About “all talk/no action” … having gone through the last six months of change, and finding myself still in the thick of it … don’t do anything big unless you are absolutely, 100% certain that it’s what you want. When the romantic lustre of adventure wears thin, and it will, you need to have that certainty within to buoy you up. That, and wine. 🙂

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    1. Ha! You got me with the last sentence! You really did make a big change and good for you. No one ever sees the work involved in something like that or they just tune out your planning with their negative talk. Either way, be proud, you did it!

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  5. It’s easier to ask other people to change than to do it ourselves, Elena. I like the way you’ve outlined what might keep us from changing. I’m more of the change in a flash and throw caution to the winds kind of woman in some areas of my life. In other areas, I am much slower to make changes.

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